i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Randomize
