hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
