im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
