Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
