So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
