Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
