My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
