I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
