great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
