I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Floor bacon is actually really good
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
