You work out of a Hotel?
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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