people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
