That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
