He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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