There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
