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I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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