i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
