i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
