So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Randomize
