i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
