fuck your aforementioned shoe
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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