Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
