He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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