MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
