he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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