Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
