i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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