You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
