i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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