Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
