Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
