We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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