Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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