dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
