you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
