I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I want her autograph on my taint
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
