omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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