we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
