he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
