Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Randomize
