I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
