She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
