hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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