Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Threesome in a minivan. New low
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
