You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
