Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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