Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
