I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
The feeling are messing with the penis
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
