well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
