you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
ugly people sure do ruin things
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
