Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Randomize
