I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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