I think im going to throw up on grandma
where am i from again
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
