Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
