Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
