The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Randomize
