There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
