Me. At least after what I've been through.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
