oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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