were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
