so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
