Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I am available for nakedness
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
