She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
