I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
