she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
