dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
