i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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